Chapter 1: Types of Mr Wrong
Mr Loose Eye
This guy has a revolving eye! Whilst looking you in the eye and telling you you’re the best thing since sliced bread, his revolving eye would be scanning the area for a sandwich! This one is easy to spot; whether it’s the darting eyes, snatching furtive looks at any attractive female within his range, the greedy licking of lips like a kid in a candy store about to dip their hand into the pic ‘n’ mix trough, or the blatant goggle eyed, drop jaw and gormless gawp over your shoulder as he puts his hand on your knee ‘reassuringly.’ Unless you like to ‘share’ he isn’t for you. Put him on his Bike!
The Dreamer has lots of dreams, hopes and ambitions but nothing written down on paper. The Dreamer is often a charming man with a silver tongue and silky words that could convert the greatest cynic into a dedicated disciple. The Dreamer lures his woman with fanciful words, flattery and flamboyant ideas for the future. He will sweep you off your feet and into his cloud. However, sooner or later you’re wading through the cloud of dust wondering where he has gone, only to realise he’s at one with his bed (of dreams) with no real intention of settling down, landing that dream job, putting that sparkly ring on your finger, walking you down that aisle, being that fantastic father he never had or growing old together with you. Did he ever exist or was he a mere illusion? Leave well alone!
Ladies if you have experienced The Dreamer or Mr Loose Eye. I’d love to hear from you!
Other examples of Mr Wrong are Mr Drifter, Serial Liar, Mr Ex Factor and Mr Vampire..but more about those later…
Parasites and Vampires
Parasites and Vampires are the most dangerous of all. Sometimes known as, ‘drainers,’ they are usually jealous, possessive or insecure types who need constant control and power. They’ll gain your heart by exposing their emotional side to you in the hope you’ll do the same. Before you know it, they’ve managed to expose your vulnerabilities, doubts and insecurities only for them to refer to and feed off these later. For example if you tell them you fear abandonment they’ll threaten to dump you and leave you every time you do something they don’t want you to do; for example go to a party with the girls or go on girls’ holiday. Their own deep seated insecurity of abandonment is transferred onto you. Another example could be you that after having told them you have been betrayed before they go out of their way to make you feel as if they could cheat on you if you displease them. They feed off your insecurities in order for them to grow taller; more powerful. This is knowingly or not, emotional abuse.
Other parasites or vampires could be emotionally needy men who drain your time, energy ad love for fear that you will abandon them. They need constant validation and reassurance and in doing so form an unhealthy attachment to you, whereby you become their private supply of all that’s positive in his life. These men can also often cause dramas, arguments and traumas in a desperate attempt to keep the relationship alive by creating urgent and dramatic situations that constantly demand your attention. A man must love himself before he can love another. A man must be secure in himself before he can provide security and equally share love with another. This is a sorry situation and you will always be his source of energy until you create boundaries and a sense of personal space with this type of man. Better still. Power up and find Mr Right.
These men all have one thing in common. They are UNAVAILABLE. Whether it be emotionally, mentally or physically. In light of this, one thing is for sure, if we learn from them and move on, we can grow from them spiritually both in strength and in wisdom. We may dwell on the pain and misery they have caused us but perhaps one thing we can thank Mr Wrong for is that, if identified quick enough and when we finally stop blaming and battering ourselves for not getting Mr Wrong to love us, we can recognise exactly what it is we don’t want and start focusing on exactly what it is we do!
“Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result, make a different choice.”
I hope you have enjoyed reading The Many Shades of Mr Wrong. If you have experienced a “Mr Wrong” please do get in contact. I am collecting together stories and poems penned by women who have experienced toxic relationships and men who present us with them. Your contributions can be completely anonymous and are only used for positive: to inspire, unite and empower women through the sharing of our collective experiences of survival and overcoming. I would love to credit your story by publishing it in my forthcoming book.
Please post a link to story/poem and add me to your blogroll or drop me a line email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
For more examples of Mr Wrong check out
and these fabulous profiles sketched by Made-Anbessa-Ebanks