Chapter 1-The Wrong Relationships

Types of unhealthy relationships

 

The Waltzer

 

This relationship is everything you could wish for in a ride. It’s thrilling, exciting and full of surprises. You are so swept away with the excitement, it’s seemingly never ending. Then..It abruptly stops. While this is great as a ride, it’s not a sustainable relationship. These relationships are usually offered by The Dreamers, The Serial Liar and Mr Loose Eye. The relationship often comes to an abrupt ending when The Dreamer realises that he can no longer sustain his flamboyant façade or indeed fulfill any of the promises he made to you at the beginning of the relationship leaving a puff of cloud in his wake. The Serial Liar will usually offer a longer Waltzer ride as he believes his lies and at times is so convincing the ride can be long term. And Mr Loose Eye? Well whilst we’re still enjoying the ride he’s already jumped off into some other poor, unfortunate soul’s bed and consequently life leaving you to connect the dots.  Jump off while you can

 

 

 

Hook-A-Duck

 

This is where a woman desperately tries to snare her man only to see him slip through her hook time and time again with an unfazed expression glued to his face. After countless attempts the woman wishes she had a rifle from the cuddly toy stall to shoot that duck down! These types of non-committed relationships are often offered by The Dreamers, The Drifters and The Workaholic. They are quite content with offering the absolute minimum whilst the woman does all the work. Of course they wear unfazed expressions. You are doing all the work! Their nonchalant attitude feeds and breeds your insecurities and determination to keep hooking and hooking until you eventually blow. As a result, he finally comes alive with the inevitable curses such as, “psycho”  “bunny boiler” and the classic old “neurotic.” However this man remains oblivious that he is the catalyst to this ‘neurotic’ behaviour. If he had not promised commitment and security from the start and been honest about the type of relationship he wanted instead of drifting or disappearing she would not have felt the need to cling so tightly wondering what it was that was wrong with her that he could not follow through. Ladies there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you, you’re man just cannot commit.  He’s unavailable. Let him go and stop fishing!

Whilst these descriptions are “tongue in cheek” there are some insightful ways to explore these experiences and tips on how to deal with hurt and pain. Please see my post The Power of Forgiveness

In my next post I will be looking at why we attract these types of relationships and men over and over again.

Enjoy for now! Thoughts/ideas/perspectives again always welcome. Good or bad. 🙂

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6 thoughts on “Chapter 1-The Wrong Relationships

  1. Yes maam,

    Unfortunatly, I just completed my encounter with the waltzer who was all three of the descriptions combined into one. He was a married co-worker who played on my insecurities and emotions. His wife was 17 years older than him and a millionaire. Our relationship began with the traditional boy/girl talk. During the course of our employment together he would talk of how old his wife was, her alcoholism, drug use, her loss of sexual desire and self esteem due to age and weight gain, etc. He would talk of how heart broken she would be if he left, he was so miseralbe, but he felt so sorry for her that he just could not bear to break her heart. He steamed into my life, unexpected and full force only to abandon me two months later when our affair became public knowledge. His promises of love, travel, a life of fun together were suddenly forgotten when sugar mama threatened to kick him out. Apparently, the two businesses he claimed as his own were hers, the three vehicles he proudly drove all over town, yeah hers: and the half million dollar home he bragged about, you got it – hers: all secured by a prenuptial agreement which states, If they seperate, he gets nothing. I fell for him head over feet, he knew all the right things to say. He was attentive, caring, charming and almost posessive in his attentions to me. He would become jealous when other men were near me, publicly make statements about our relationship as if he wanted everyone to know, and towards the end was talking of commitment and a future together. He pursued me from the begining, I was just lonely and sad enough to be a willing participant. When his wife discovered our indiscretions, they seperated for one week and then he vanished back into her arms. He convinced her that I was a sad lonely woman, who had suffered through years of a miserable marriage. He told her He felt sorry for me, so he had given me a shoulder to cry on and I, in turn, had misunderstood his offers of friendship and had turned into a stalker who would not leave him alone. The really sad part is, your description of the dreamer is right on target. I honestly believe part of his feelings for me were genuine, but because he had nothing to offer, no car, no job, no home, into a relationship with me, he fled. He knew all that he had presented himself to be (a business man, an upstanding member of the community, etc,) were a facade created only by his wifes money. I attempted to have a woman to woman conversation with his wife so she would have the oppurtunity to know the truth and make a logical decision of spending the rest of her life with this man, to which she wanted nothing to do with. She informed me her husband loved her and was a man of his word and she did not know why I would not leave her alone. Unfortunatly, we live in the same small town, it has been over three months now since he disappeared out of my life, but I know from others in our community, his flirting tendencies and roaming eye are waiting for his wife to release the reins just enough to find his next victim. He has already began the same approach he used on me with a local girl who works at the bank where his wifes companies have their accounts. Though I suffered the worst heart break of my life from the Waltzer, I am grateful I am not stuck in a marriage with a man like him and I pity his wife. She doesn;t have much of a happy future ahead of her.

  2. Aw dodlebug. Sorry to hear. What a rat! You’re best off out of it. You deserve better than Mr Serial Liar, Mr Dreamer and Mr Loose Eye. I wonder if wife already suspects he is Liuke this anywayb? Perhaps she’s turned a blind eye to his antics (Mrs Blindeye!) He seems arrogant and confident enough to pursue some other poor girl after “a week” of separation. He’s probably got away with thus before. Not your problem though. You’ve powered up, jumped off the waltzer and ready to find someone who will enhance your life; make you feel good. Someone not attached or unavailable. Thanks so much for Sharing. An honourable thing to do. Stay away from Mrs Blindeye and Mr Wrong and write out a list if your needs, wants and desires and focus on those. Xxx

  3. I wrote on one of my blogs from what someone told me “It starts off like a roller coaster and you become infatuated with the idea of someone, but you never really get to know who they are! When the Roller coaster ride is over…it usually will cost you”

    • Too true! And usually not in pounds either. Costs you your time, energy and emotions. A wasted investment! I will check out your blog. Meanwhile, please feel free to contribute your Mr Wrong or Mr Right stories to the blog. The best will be used, with your permission, for the official book. You can post or email me at dingdongitsmrwrong@yahoo.co.uk. I’d love to hear your stories 🙂

  4. I think the “waltzer” ride is an interesting concept especially as I believe Ive met women who are actually addicted to this type of relationship they are only interested in these intense adrenaline filled romances that go at 200 mph and inevitably burn themselves out in just as rapid style each time they meet it with the same hope and vigour but its actually become the only way they recognize that a man is interested anything less and hes not that into me which results in two things 1: her pushing away any “normal” guy and therefore any chance of a “normal” relationship 2:puts her in prime position to be served up as “fresh meat” for the next dreamer who floats into town!!!!

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