Close your eyes. Think back to the very first experience of romantic love. How did it feel? Do you view this experience as a positive one or negative one? Many people describe their first loves as the “love of their lives” but what does this really mean and how does this impact on our future relationships?
Prominent UK socialist Dr Malcolm Brynin, Principal Research Officer at the University of Essex (2009) claims that relationship seekers are better off skipping their first experience of love entirely. He claims that the “euphoria” of first loves can cause obstacles and damage in future relationships. First loves are new, exciting adventures where passionate feelings and intimacy are experienced for the first time. Often the intensity of these passionate feelings are difficult to replicate making it harder to find happiness with a future partner. As The Guardian stated, first loves, “could set unrealistic benchmarks, against which we judge future relationships.”
Is this the case and if so what of those who have less positive first love experiences?
First loves are no doubt key to our relationship experiences. Quite how, is another story, a story that belongs to the individual and individual alone. Some may still carry scars from the past; others may simply look back at it as a fond memory whilst others may measure themselves and their future relationships by the mere memory of their first love. Einstein was an intensely clever man, a genius, in fact yet he himself struggled to explain the equation of first love.
“No, this trick won’t work… How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? ”-Einstein
My Very First Love
I was lucky enough to have a positive experience. I was fifteen when I met my first love. We stayed together for three years. We were each other’s best friends through tough times, flung together through a shared troublesome home life and teenage angst. We were inseparable. We were Romeo and Juliet and no one was ever going to stop us. I remember my mother, God bless her being very strict about him coming round. He was only allowed around when we could be supervised and under no circumstances would any boy be allowed upstairs. And rightly so! In retrospect, I love my mother for that. However, it did mean that I was forever at his house. In the end I was the one who broke his heart. I felt trapped, lost and uncertain. The Sagittarian in me wanted so desperately to flea and experience the world, to find myself again in a world where I felt I lacked complete direction or control over my life. I had dropped out of college for a second time, or should I say excluded, my mother and father had recently separated and worst of all, my beloved big sister moved out of the house and went off to University. I felt alone and abandoned. My heart was already broken. Love? I didn’t care about love. I was a on the verge of a rebellion. I wanted sex, drugs and R’n’B! I was young. I was wild and I wasn’t having any of this commitment baloney! It is only in hindsight I see just how loving and caring and kind hearted my first love really was. How it was me who felt I didn’t deserve to be loved and due to a rapid lack of confidence I set about becoming my own worst enemy. But that’s another story…
Mr Wrong, is still looking for your stories. I would love to hear your stories and experiences with Mr First Love. Whether your experiences were positive or not so positive please do post or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Do you think there is any significance in first loves? Do you think your first love has contributed to your ultimate view of love and relationships? What impact has it had? Mr Wrong awaits your gems and pearls of wisdom. x