First Loves

First LoveClose your eyes. Think back to the very first experience of romantic love. How did it feel? Do you view this experience as a positive one or negative one? Many people describe their first loves as the “love of their lives” but what does this really mean and how does this impact on our future relationships?

Prominent UK socialist Dr Malcolm Brynin, Principal Research Officer at the University of Essex (2009) claims that relationship seekers are better off skipping their first experience of love entirely. He claims that the “euphoria” of first loves can cause obstacles and damage in future relationships. First loves are new, exciting adventures where passionate feelings and intimacy are experienced for the first time. Often the intensity of these passionate feelings are difficult to replicate making it harder to find happiness with a future partner. As The Guardian stated, first loves, “could set unrealistic benchmarks, against which we judge future relationships.”

Is this the case and if so what of those who have less positive first love experiences?

First loves are no doubt key to our relationship experiences. Quite how, is another story, a story that belongs to the individual and individual alone. Some may still carry scars from the past; others may simply look back at it as a fond memory whilst others may measure themselves and their future relationships by the mere memory of their first love. Einstein was an intensely clever man, a genius, in fact yet he himself struggled to explain the equation of first love.

No, this trick won’t work… How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? ”-Einstein

My Very First Love

I was lucky enough to have a positive experience. I was fifteen when I met my first love. We stayed together for three years. We were each other’s best friends through tough times, flung together through a shared troublesome home life and teenage angst. We were inseparable. We were Romeo and Juliet and no one was ever going to stop us. I remember my mother, God bless her being very strict about him coming round. He was only allowed around when we could be supervised and under no circumstances would any boy be allowed upstairs. And rightly so! In retrospect, I love my mother for that. However, it did mean that I was forever at his house. In the end I was the one who broke his heart. I felt trapped, lost and uncertain. The Sagittarian in me wanted so desperately to flea and experience the world, to find myself again in a world where I felt I lacked complete direction or control over my life. I had dropped out of college for a second time, or should I say excluded, my mother and father had recently separated and worst of all, my beloved big sister moved out of the house and went off to University. I felt alone and abandoned. My heart was already broken. Love? I didn’t care about love. I was a on the verge of a rebellion. I wanted sex, drugs and R’n’B! I was young. I was wild and I wasn’t having any of this commitment baloney! It is only in hindsight I see just how loving and caring and kind hearted my first love really was. How it was me who felt I didn’t deserve to be loved and due to a rapid lack of confidence I set about becoming my own worst enemy. But that’s another story…

Mr Wrong, is still looking for your stories. I would love to hear your stories and experiences with Mr First Love. Whether your experiences were positive or not so positive please do post or email me at dingdongitsmrwrong@yahoo.co.uk

Do you think there is any significance in first loves? Do you think your first love has contributed to your ultimate view of love and relationships? What impact has it had? Mr Wrong awaits your gems and pearls of wisdom. x

 

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9 thoughts on “First Loves

  1. first love!!! I was also very very lucky with that selection! met at 12 got together and stayed that way till 15 and then split but stayed so close I spoke to her last week!! strangely enough for a teenage romance her mum loved me to bits! so much so that I remember being at one of their family get togethers at aged about 20 and being introduced as “the man who should have been the father of her grandchildren!!” the effect this girl had on my life was so immense I would actually credit her with being the person who truly made me know and understand who I was that may sound extreme without context so you have to understand that as everyones aware im sure when you are teenager its a difficult hormone fuelled transition where we all feel awkward ugly or uncool at some point but this was magnified for me because after going to a private school for my entire primary schooling I went to a state secondary 2 completely different worlds it felt like “the fresh prince of bel air” in reverse except we were never rich!!!!! just to make it that little more difficult they decided I was too bright for the 1st year so at 11 they put me straight into the 2nd year which sounds great but as a teenager makes you look like a supernerd!! you might aswell paint a huge target on my back and tell the bullies to enjoy! it was during this difficult adjustment that I met her were friends for months until i built up the courage to tell her how i felt she felt the same and we were inseparable after every spare moment down to helping each other with home work a surprisingly adult relationship for two people so young me by now being a hiphop freak and wannabe mc wrote her poetry about my feelings she having learnt from her mum cooked me rice and peas and stewed chicken almost as good as MY mums (dont ever tell my mum hahaha!) ater school very adult indeed but times move on we were the same age so when i completed my gcses and left school she still had a year to go and I was on to a new adventure called college but as i said over the years we have kept in touch the friendship part has never waned although life is what it is an when you are on two different paths you dont keep in touch half as much as you should but now as a 32 year old man i am still grateful of the experience

    • Very very similar to two of my first loves. I miss those real days where you were treated as part of the family and you explored life and adolescence so intensely and closely. A real team. Now love and relationships is something that needs to be fitted into a ‘schedule’ or balanced out with work and other commitments. It’s so much harder now 😦 I want my teenage/early adulthood back again! X

    • Hey, Brilliant. I’m so pleased you’re enjoying. Check out my about page and earlier excerpts from the book in Aug/Sept posts. If you have any Mr Wrong stories or dating disaster stories let me know, I’d love to hear them! 🙂

  2. Hi Tomekha,

    I’m so pleased you were inspired by my post First Loves.https://dingdongitsmrwrong.wordpress.com/2012/12/23/first-loves/#comments I’m glad you’re enjoying. I love your poem. I would love to incooperate this within my book. Do I have your permission? I would also love to hear about your “first love” in more detail. E.g was he older than you? Did you look up to him as someone you would like to have been with? What qualities did he have that you look for in men/relationships now. Do you have any stories or examples of men you have compared to him. Please email me at dingdongitsmrwrong@yahoo.co.uk for more info. x

    A CALL TO ALL WOMEN
    Also anyone who has any “Mr Wrong stories- See my post https://dingdongitsmrwrong.wordpress.com/share-your-stories/your-mr-wrong-stories/ please do email me as I am looking for women to share their stories and contribute to my book, Mr Wrong- aimed to inspire, empower and unite women.

  3. Pingback: I Only Have Eyes For You – Plain Truth 53 « chocolatecoveredliesdotcom

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