Archive | March 2013

Ms Independent

Ms IndependentI’ve recently been reading a lot of posts about “Independent Women.” Yet what does Independent mean exactly?

Here are some examples from the dictionary

1. not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself: an independent thinker.

2. not subject to another’s authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free: an independent businessperson.

3. not influenced by the thought or action of others

4. not dependent; not depending or contingent upon something else for existence, operation, etc.

5. not relying on another or others for aid or support.

I consider myself an independent woman yet I know that man or woman cannot live on bread alone. No man or woman is an island. I have prided myself in having achieved all that I have through my own hard work, determination and effort yet I know that being “Independent” should also mean embracing our vulnerabilities, admitting that we are human and have needs, wants and desires. I don’t believe that anyone, man or woman should have to survive alone. Independence to me means to exist and live free from complete dependence on others yet I believe that in life, where we co-exist in a world full of others, we are part of each other; we do rely on each other for our existence, our being, just as we depend on trees for our air.

Independence to me, means having freedom of thought yet the ability to recognise when we need the strength, guidance, care and above all love from others. This, I feel, is something that is often overlooked by people who view others as “Independent.” I hope you like my poem below.

Ms Independent

I n her eyes you see strength
A woman who’s trod a rocky road
At times she felt was never going to make it
But marched on and carried her load

N ever asked a soul for anything
Strings of lets downs and disappointments taught her to mistrust
Yet she is the Go-To woman
Her advice and Love is a must
But who was there for her, in her darkest hour when she lay in bed alone?
Who was there for Ms Independent at the other end of a phone?

D ependent only on herself
Yet others depend on her
Can pay her bills and keep her home
Hold down a job and feed her kids alone
And still have cash to lend a friend

E ver the independent woman seemingly happy and content
She is the Go-To woman: the glue, the fix, the cement
She has a smile for everyone and everything, friends, family and those unknown
Everyone thinks she has her s**t in order
Nobody sees her at night- alone

P rovider and protector to those who depend on her
Yet do you see her silent tears?
Her sadness or her deepest fears?
Do you see beyond her head held high?
Her broken heart or teary eyes?
Do you know the pain within?
See her world or where she’s been?

E loquent at offering advice to others
Yet struggles to take her own
Excellent friends, sisters and mothers
But misses a man in her home

N ever take this woman’s kindness for weakness
She is made of serious stuff
Her kindness is a reflection of her spirit
She’ll share and give even when she has not enough
This isn’t because she is weak; it’s because inside her she only has Love

D on’t take this woman at face value
See beyond the smile
Spend time to find out her story
And listen to her for a while

E ven when times were tough, she struggled on for she had not a choice
She learnt to depend on herself and listen to her inner voice
Even in her darkest hour
When things got bad and things got sour
She pulled herself up and said, “Never again!”
In saying in this she branded all men
They take, they use, they drain, they leave
She learnt that it’s not just in death that you grieve

N ever Again!” she cried inside
As she spoke these words, part of her died
And she built a wall surrounding her heart
The barriers of self-protection
An undeniable vow- Till Death Do We Part
Her armour replaced her affection

T he Independent woman is a beauty to behold
Envied by many from the outside looking in
But scratch beyond the surface
You’ll simply find a woman who yearns to be loved from outside and within
To be treated kindly and with respect
To be acknowledged and appreciated
To have someone who understands
To comfort her both in the day and at night
To have a companion to hold her hand
And tell her “everything is alright.”

Independent Woman keep strong; it’s how we’ve been raised and been grown
But don’t be afraid to drop those bags- we don’t need to suffer alone.

Daniella Blechner March 2013

First Loves- Part II The Age of Innocence

I love youWhat I miss about that age of innocence is the ability to be true to who we are and how we feel. Saying “I love you” came easy. There was no rule as to when or how it should be said or even who should say it first. It simply was a statement of fact. “I love you” did not mean losing face of any sort or that we needed to start planning a wedding or family. It meant exactly that. We loved each other. No games, no drama, no endless thoughts of “expectations” or “stipulations” or “what does this all mean?” Those three simple words came easier in my formative years than it ever has before. We want to hold onto that innocence, that wanton abandon and surrendering to raw emotion without fear of rejection or anxiety that it may be “too soon.” When we are young we tend to grab onto life with both hands, say what we see, express how we feel without fear of ‘messing it up’ or ‘not getting it right.’ As we get older, however, our minds store negative experiences, our minds tell us we need to protect ourselves from being hurt, our minds form thought patterns that create walls around our hearts by trying to rationalise and dilute our feelings. Our minds become plagued with thoughts such as “I’m not making that mistake again” “I’m not going to tell him how I feel because last time…” or “I’m going to play it cool this time because….” Many a relationship has failed because one or both parties have not been honest about their emotions. Too often we place too much emphasis on past experiences that prevent us from moving forwards into happiness. This applies to both men and women. We need to gain a little bit of that balance back. This does not mean being foolish and gushing all over the next man we take a liking to, but opening up our hearts to new experiences and people: to not let the past dictate how we act and remain true and honest about our feelings. Feelings are there to be expressed not imprisoned. When a child smiles or laughs it means they are happy. When a child cries it means they are unhappy. When a child hugs, cuddles or says “I love you” it comes as easy as the sun shines. There is a lot we can learn from children.

 

 

I love you 3