Archive | December 2015

Asking for What We Want

Top Ten Tips for Asking for What We Want

askHow often have we passed up the opportunity to ask for something for fear of that all resounding “NO!”?

We are living in a society where asking for what we want is somehow forthright or self-centred. I live the UK and grew up in a society where asking for things was seen as wrong. “Ask and You Won’t Get.” This notion is not a new notion but one that perfectly mirrors society’s values and collective belief. From one perspective, it can be seen as a positive thing: a child should be grateful for what they have and not seek to desire more. The idea behind it being that one should be satisfied and appreciative for what they have. However there is a fundamental difference between never desiring more and being appreciative for what we have.

Whilst I don’t agree that a child should be bought whatever they want simply because they have asked or shrieked over and over again for it, I do believe that we all have a fundamental right to ask for the things that we desire, require, need or want without fear. This notion that we should not ask for things can be quite limiting and damaging as we start to file our Needs, Wants and Desires into the “unattainable dream” shelf and harbour resentment and unfulfilled desires. When we hold in our suppressed Needs, Wants and Desires we can start to breed a Rottweiler inside. It can take the smallest thing to occur for it to snap at those we love. Don’t let the Rottweiler win!

 

“Ask and You Won’t Get” is a notion that we are taught at home, in schools and sometimes in the workplace.  How many of your Needs, Wants and Desires are shelved in the ‘miscellaneous cabinet?’ Fear stops us from progression, stops us from grasping opportunities and unlocking doors to our rightful paths. Had we only asked we may have received that, pay rise, received that promotion, received that puppy in the window we so desperately wanted and perhaps received that love we deserved. Although we may not always get what we ask for, it allows us the opportunity to achieve our goals, create our happiness and seek fulfilment.

 

Asking for what we Need, Want and Desire in a relationship is fundamental to building solid foundations. Too often we exist within relationships never asking for anything and expecting men to know what it is that we want and need. Having broken up with a long-term boyfriend and having a heart to heart almost a year later, I clearly remember saying to him, “I never asked you for anything.” His reply was simply, “Well how can you complain about not getting something you didn’t ask for in the first place?” For a moment I paused. He was right! If I asked for what I needed and wanted in the first place, I may have got just that!

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Things To Remember For Asking For What You Want in a Relationship

 

~ Asking for what you want doesn’t make you needy. It makes you assertive and honest.

 

~Asking for what you want allows you to be honest with both your partner and more importantly yourself. If you don’t know what your needs and wants are why or how should he?

 

~Unfortunately men are not telepathic.

 

~Never apologise for your needs and wants. You are entitled to have them.

 

~Just as you are entitled to have needs and wants remember your man isn’t entitled to fulfil them.

 

~ Whilst compromise is important for a balanced relationship, don’t ever sacrifice your needs and wants completely. If you are unfulfilled you cannot be happy. It is important for your partner to value the things that are important to you.

 

~Be thankful for all the positive aspects of your relationship and voice your appreciation.

 

~Focus on what he is ‘getting right’ not on what he isn’t.

 

~Never dishonour yourself by keeping quiet about your needs, wants and desires. You are important.

 

~Don’t let that Rottweiler win!

 

Check out Daniella Blechner’s book Mr Wrong and get the Mr Wrong Work Book  full of exercises, quizzes and meditations to help you let go of Mr Wrong and Discover the Inner You!

For more information on Needs, Wants and Desires check out Daniella’s 7 Steps to Creating the Greatest Version of You workshop at www.daniellablechner.com (you can buy signed copies of her books here too)

 

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The Power of Forgiveness

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgive heartAs we approach 2016, many of us will be reflecting on the year and making plans for the next. In doing so, it is important to be clear about what we want to take with us and what we must leave behind. Time is linear and so we must always ensure that we are moving forward and not holding onto old resentments from the   past. It’s time to set ourselves free!

Sometimes we experience so much pain we find it difficult to let go. We find it difficult to forgive and move on leaving us stuck in a negative cycle. However it is we who are weighed down and filled with bitterness, resentment, anger, disappointment and regret whilst whoever hurt you is walking around as light as a feather or perhaps continuing to treat others in the same hurtful way. Why are we carrying around their baggage? For hurt and pain are only inflicted as a result of other’s insecurities. Ladies why are we carrying these bags??! What’s in the past is in the past and must stay there! This is easier said than done.

Sometimes we carry this burden- and believe you me I’ve carried a heavy load for a long, long time (probably the cause of my back pain)- because we are afraid to let go. We may feel that if we let go we are allowing the other person to “get away with it” or that we have become a “walkover” somehow by forgetting about it. But in essence what we are doing is quite the opposite; we are finally moving on without the load, without the negative thoughts and feelings eroding our backs, our emotions and our Souls. We also may feel that we cannot let go as we become quite nostalgic about the past. The abuse or pain we endured becomes less “valid” if we let it go. It defines us some way and we don’t want to forget it. But in actual fact what it’s doing is making us move slower, making us weaker, bitter and lonely. Let that traumatic and painful part of your journey not define you but serve as a tool to help you grow stronger and wiser, happier and lighter. Again easier said than done.

 

Remember forgiving does not mean forgetting. It does not mean letting them back into your lives with the same circumstances or at all for that matter. It means seeing that person as a human being who’s made some terrible mistakes but helped you grow in some way whether it be emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually. For in every challenge or difficulty there is strength and wisdom to be gained. It means releasing that person and their negative energy and negative situation you endured from your own and freeing yourself. It means forgiving yourself for not feeling strong enough, wise enough to react or act differently at the time. Once forgiveness is achieved we can finally take the next step to finding true happiness. Without forgiveness we will keep attracting the same circumstances, same lessons and same type of person into our lives until forgiveness is learnt. I talk as a lady who’s carried and dropped many bags in my lifetime!

 

Forgive divine

Here are two of my favourite quotes on forgiveness

Forgiveness is the choice to see people as they are now. When we’re mad at people, we’re focusing on something they said or did before this moment. By letting go of the past, we make room for miracles to replace our grievances.”-Miracle Cards- Marianne Williamson

 

Forgive and forget all that has hurt you in the past and made you doubt your “lovability.” Realise that hurt and disappointment are inevitable parts of our human learning experience. No matter how painful, the real injury was not that someone didn’t cherish you, but that you erroneously believed you didn’t deserve to be loved.”- Soul Lessons and Soul Purpose Oracle Cards- Sonia Choquette.

 

For Forgiveness exercises have a read of Mr Wrong and Mr Wrong Work Book

For more information on The Power of Forgiveness check out Daniella’s 7 Steps to creating the Greatest Version of You workshop on Sat 16th January at www.daniellablechner.com (you can buy signed copies of her books here too)