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3 Essential Tips Before You Publish Your Book

BJMFor those of you who do not know, I have an online Periscope Show called, “Book Journey Mentor” Uncut on WOWTV (Women of Worth TV) Women of Worth TV is a highly successful channel on Periscope set up by my very first mentee, Janine Cummings who is now UK No1 Female Live Streaming and Social Media Media Strategist and Author of Everything.

Book Journey Mentor Uncut is all about providing insight tips and advice into the self-publishing and writing process as well as a platform to interview, showcase and promote new and upcoming authors. Tune in every Tues 7pm GMT/2pm EST. You can watch by following @womenofworthtv on Twitter and view via Periscope or Twitter

My 1ST Show: 3 Essential Tips Before Publishing

https://www.pscp.tv/w/1lDxLmbWZdvKm

3 Essential Tips Before Publishing

 

  1. Know Your “why”

Everyone has a story inside; a unique journey and purpose. We all have our reasons for wanting to do things and a desire to fulfil goals and dreams in our lives. But what is our “why?” Simon Sinek, visionary and author of “ Start with Why ,” believes that success does not stem from what we do but why are doing it. So many of us go to work every day with no idea as to why and end up feeling unfulfilled when we know why we are doing it and are more than comfortable with the answer, we are in a much better position to connect, inspire and empower others.
What is your book’s raison d’etre?

Three important questions to consider before you read any further are.
1. What is your “why?” Why are you writing the book?
2. What is the message you want to convey?
3. What impact do you want your book to have on the reader?

These three questions are key to aligning your book, your message and your raison d’etre/purpose with your valuable readers. If you are unsure, find a trusted friend or loved one and ask them to support you in

2. Create a Clear Vision

We must remember that our book is not just a way to get our message out there but also a marketing tool. It is important to think about what we want our book to do for us. Having a book can open many doors so it is essential we know what doors we want it to open. Have a think about what organisations you may want to approach, what JVs (Joint Ventures) you may want to create, what events you wish to speak at or press you can see your book featuring in. Make sure though that these are all in alignment with your vision, mission, why and purpose. For example, I was approached by a glossy magazine having heard of my book Mr. Wrong. They wanted me to “dish the dirt” on exes and send in pixelated images of myself with them to feature in their magazine. Had they read the book, they would have realised that it was not about scandal but more so about accepting responsibility for choices we have made and forgiving ourselves in order to make better choices. Whilst this would have boosted my readership or visibility, it was more important to me to attract the right audience and opportunities that were in alignment with my core values and mission. When you are clear about your values, vision, mission, why and purpose you will attract the right opportunities for you and weed out the ones that are not. Integrity is key.

 

3. Know Your Audience

Many aspiring authors I speak to say that their audience is women. That may be true but the more specific about your audience you can be, the more likely you are to serve them well. There are 3.52billion women in the world. Is you book for ALL of them? What are their interests, employment status, background, culture, beliefs, pain points? What problems are you solving for them if any? What things make them laugh, entertain them make them think? Where do they hangout. If you want to have a successful book and ensure it reaches the right hands, research is key. Find out exactly WHO your audience is and find out where you can find them. Wherever it is, you and your book should be there too!

 

To get an interview on Book Journey Mentor Uncut, message us at info@consciousdreamspublishing.com with the subject line WOWTV together with your bio, headshot and PDF of your book.

Daniella Blechner

AKA The Book Journey Mentor

“Be the author of your own destiny.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Valuing Our Needs and Desires

“What is Love?” I naïvely asked a group of pubescent teenage Year 9 boys. As I stood at the whiteboard ready to elicit ideas, I wasn’t prepared for the response that would stay with me for the rest of my life.

“Loving an imperfect person perfectly” replied 14 year old Nikesh, unfazed by the wisdom that glided so effortlessly out of his mouth. I stood still in my tracks. Yes! That is exactly what it is. It was then I realised that there are many different types of Love and that Love does not always have to be an outward projection, but something that exists within. Love is something we must exercise internally. For if we cannot Love and accept ourselves as imperfect people, with all our flaws; quirks; warts and all, how can we possibly Love and accept others unconditionally?

At this time I was a young teacher with bags under my eyes from the sleepless nights endured after being dumped unceremoniously by a man who I’d thought was my knight in shining armour. Unbeknown to me, two years later, I would find out he was engaged the entire 10 months of our relationship. His armour was his ‘costume’ and it certainly wasn’t shining! Although this was clearly laid out in front of me and I could now see the red flags, I wanted to skin teet’ and believe the sky was green when it was blatantly blue! At the time, I was riddled with regret and insecurity. I berated myself, criticised myself and believed myself to be unworthy. As I wrote Nikesh’swords on the board I realised that it was I who did not Love myself perfectly. It was I who did not realise what I truly deserved and certainly had no clue as to what I was worth.

Sometimes we become so embroiled in what is wrong with us that we forget to appreciate and cherish all that is great. We abandon our own values and value and allow ourselves to be validated by the views of others.  Loving ourselves as imperfect people and honouring who we are and what we valueis the key to creating and manifesting all that is great within us. Here are the first 2 of my 7 Steps to Creating the Greatest Version of You workshop.

 

Step 1

What Are My Values?

Everyone has values and these values vary from person to person. The word “value” derives from the Old French, feminine past participle of valoir ‘be worth’ and originates from Latin valere.  Values are the core beliefs and principles that you live by or a personal “moral code”. Just as the word value comes from the word “worth” our values should reflect what we deem to be worthy.

How many of us have focused on, or have been influenced by society’s ideals of having a “tall, dark and handsome man” time and time again only to end up with a good looking Mr Wrong? Are we focusing on just the exterior or do we have deeper values beyond that? How clear are you on your own values? It’s easy to assume that Mr Good-Looking will treat you like a Princess and be the man of your dreams, however how important is getting to know a man and examining his values and beliefs about love and relationships?

Being clear on our values will allow us to establish and identify what is important to us. This does not mean we have to have exactly the same values as our partner but it is essential that we are able to respect and accept them. Remember, just as the word ‘value’ means ‘worth,’ it’s important to find someone who sees your values and beliefs as worthy of respect. You are of value too.

 

values_1

Step 2

Own Your Needs, Wants and Desires

Needs, Wants and Desires are very essential in relationships. Everybody has Needs, Wants and Desires that they would like to have fulfilled. The question is how often do we remember them? Have they ever been written down? In some cases they haven’t even been recognised or identified until we are treated badly.  Just as we set out our values and Needs, Wants and Desires we must also ensure that we are demonstrating them in our day to day lives. We attract what we reflect.

 

What are the Differences between Needs, Wants and Desires?

 

Needs are essential prerequisites that are required to survive in a situation. They are the basics as it were, something we literally cannot do without. For example, we need air to breathe and food to sustain us, and in the context of a relationship, we all have a basic need to be loved and a basic need for respect.

 

Wants are things we would like to have but can survive without. For example, I want a car but as I live in London and am close to an abundance of transport links I do not NEED one desperately. Wants in relationships are not essential to physical survival but are essential to emotional and spiritual well-being.

 

Desires are add-ons, things we really, really want but that are not necessary for our survival or our happiness. They are luxuries, the icing on the cake that we crave and deep down dream of and yearn for. For example I desire to go to Cuba this summer, visit Brazil and camp out in the Amazon, however practicalities and real life means that I may not necessarily get to do these things just yet! Desires are something to aim for and never give up on.

 

 

Once we own and recognise our Needs, Wants and Desires we have a greater understanding of who we are and what or who we want to attract.In turn we may begin to attract the things that we need and want. These exercises are not restricted to Love and Relationships but can work in any area of your life. Now I’m just awaiting my trip to Cuba!

 

Here are the 7 Steps in full

 

What Are My Values?

Own Your Needs, Wants and Desires

Manifest Your Intentions

Exercise Forgiveness

Nightly Gratitude

Reawaken My Vision

Love. Live. Laugh

 

“You draw in maximum happiness when you are in alignment with the Greatest Version of You!”- ME!

 

For more info on the 7 Steps to Creating the Greatest Version of You Workshop or to book, visit www.daniellablechner.com or

You can also get signed copies of Mr Wrong, Mr Wrong Work Book and 7 Shades of Love at www.daniellablechner.com/books

Amazon Link http://tinyurl.com/l7b5fc7

Raising Wonderful Women

Raising Wonderful Women

Raising young women is a huge responsibility but one that should not be restricted to purely the role of a mother or father. The word ‘raise’ dates back to c1200 and derives from an Old Norse word “reisa.” It translates as “to cause a rising of” “set upright” “to build and construct.” The word “raise”also means to “uplift, promote the growth of, and elevate to a higher position.” I strongly believe that we are all, in some shape or form, responsible for the raising of our young girls and women in our community. How do we begin to elevate our young girls into confident young women and leaders of their own path and what role do we have in helping them to rise? First, we must understand that we
all play a part in helping them to rise.
Self-esteem
We are born into this world innocent; completely accepting of all things and all people. We are in awe of the world around us and are blessed with the purity of non-judgment. We are totally loving and accepting of Self. Our self-esteem is high because we don’t judge, we just are. Sadly, we are born into a world full of pressures, a world that tells us, through media, advertising and music, how to look and how to think and how to behave. We live in a world that subconsciously tells us that it is not okay to be ourselves, to make mistakes or to be left all alone on ‘prom night.’ We live in a world that teaches us to say “yes” and seek approval of others. Adverts still group women into restrictive categories of “domestic goddess” “sex symbol” “object of desire” “mother” and “aggressive and bitchy business woman.” Homogeneous stick thin models in need of a good meal still front the magazines, young women are still objectified and sexualised in music videos, video games, films and adverts. The message shouts loud and clear “Be like this and we
will give you the stamp of approval!” Whose stamp of approval?
We need to raise our girls to understand, on a very deep level, that they are perfectly and
wonderfully made. We need to teach our young girls to celebrate their differences and that they are unique in their own way. They do not need to gyrate and whine to be liked or be popular with the opposite sex, they do not need to lather themselves in foundation and plasticated make up to be attractive and they do not need to say “yes” to every offer they get.
In a culture with widespread sexual objectification, young girls as young as 12, are beginning to identify themselves as objects of desire. This internalized sexual objectification has been linked to problems with mental health such as clinical depression,
“habitual body monitoring”, eating disorders, body shame and lack of self-worth.  Now, more than ever, we need to impress upon young girls that they are not defined by their physical appearance but by the content of their unique character. Now more than ever we need to let our young girls know it is okay to switch off the TV, disconnect from Social Media and work on loving themselves and finding out who they are.
Thoughts and Words
The Telegraph (Aug 2015) states that, “A new survey by Girlguiding UK shows almost half of British girls have suffered with mental health problems, with self-harm being one of the biggest concerns.” It also states that the majority of seven to ten year olds said they had felt “sad” or “down, 1 in five young girls said they were upset by the way they looked and 39% said they had received demeaning comments about their appearance. A magazine called Girl Talk also found that half the girls defined beautiful as being “fashionable” and “thin.” Furthermore shockingly enough, a study carried out by
The Children’s Society found that the young girls of Britain are significantly unhappier than children in Ethiopia and Algeria. Why when we have so much in the Western world are our young girls so unhappy?
First we must tackle the damaging thought processes caused by images and words these young girls are seeing and hearing. The Bible, The Torah, Buddhism and the Koran teach us about the Power of words. The Bible says, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12.18) The Torah says, “The mighty power of words hurt, heal and fashion reality.” Buddha said, “Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are true and kind, they change our world.” The Koran says, “Kind words (spoken) and forgiving of faults are better than sadaqa (charity)”
mother daughterThe pressure on young girls to be “beautiful” and “attractive” is sky high. The Media speaks to us every day telling us what is acceptable and what is not. Therefore,
the way in which we speak to ourselves is crucial, the thoughts we think and the way we speak to others. In a world that constantly bombards us with images of who we should be, it is crucial that we raise our young girls to know who they are. It is easy to allow the exterior world to dictate our inner perception of ourselves.
We must teach our young girls how to speak to themselves with love and respect. Positive self-talk is essential. We all have a role in teaching our young girls how to do this by speaking positively about ourselves, first as an example, and in turn speaking positively to and about them. Our words have the ability to harm or heal. They can be the difference between elevating a young woman or beating her down.
Lastly, teaching a young girl how to elevate another is a powerful practice. We need to teach them that we do not and are not created to exist as islands but to collaborate and support one other. We must teach them to close their ears to gossip and open their hearts to one another; that there is room for all to blossom and grow in this world and that there is strength in elevation and wisdom in understanding that, in a world where women already struggle to balance love, relationships, motherhood, working life, career, hopes and dreams, trials and tribulations, they stand much stronger as a united force uplifting the other with words and actions. We must dispel the myth that the other woman is “the enemy” but in fact a sister who too needs support, encouragement, uplifting and inspiration. We must raise our young girls to become young woman who know, in their
own uniqueness, that “a flower does not compete with the flower next to it, it simply blooms.”
When we raise our young girls to know and love themselves from the inside out, then they truly will become a united force to be reckoned with.
flower

Mr Wrong Book Review

Honoured to receive this beautifully written book review on Mr Wrong written by my co-host Sister ShamiYah with whom co-present with on The PX Book Review Show!

Thank you Sister ShamiYah!

Title- ‘Mr Wrong: Learn From Mr Wrong and Claim Mr Right.’
Author: Daniella Blechner
Publisher: Conscious Dreams Publishing

A silhouetted couple in animated posture graced the cover of this telling testimonial and liberating handbook on one of the most powerful affairs of the heart; the power of Love.

As front cover designs go, there is nothing obscure about the message of the book. Set against a white background, the couple are complemented in red and white attire almost themed to a Valentine romance novel. You can buy this book with your eyes before spending a quid. Your eyes are immediately drawn to the body language of the couple. The woman in a little red number, stiletto heels to match leans pouting to the man with three heart bubbles rising from her. Mr debonair’ s body- language evasive, hides a heart wrapped in barbed wire hidden behind his back.
Mr Wrong, the title is red, almost rising from the cover with the O in wrong a barbed wired heart.

Combining vividly themed colours of red, Black and white, the illustrator grabs the attention of reader who may perceive a romantic novel. Once however, the cover is peeled back; the author’s unstinting personality and skilfully writing profile is what grabs the attention.

dannilouiseTransparent3I am not a novel’s person, so this book was written for me. I am not a Valentine’s person so the cover of itself could have competed for my attention on the shelf. While the message of the book is simple…learn from ‘Mr wrong and Claim Mr Right’ the journey through the book is not that simple. Drawing from the experiences of women around the globe Daniella weaves searching testimonial into the fabric of a structured easy-to-follow text. She uses heading and sub-headings to easily sign post the reader to the contents. This is visually enriched by sketches of characters enhancing the message given succinctly.

The confrontational messages hold up a mirror to the reader as the testimonies are encounters we may have had or are having. Your judgement is suspended as the experiences and mistakes are your or those of your family and friends. Not only if you are tempted to laugh you may be laughing at yourself; but Danni’s sharp wit and sense-of –humour personality will pull your funny-bone anyway.

Consider this book your friend who tells you the truth……..even a mirror! The author’s own honesty and transparency about her journey will open up the reader to come to terms with message ringing in your ear…….” It’s not him, it’s you!” In the absence of self-knowledge and self-LOVE, you draw into your intimate space who you are subconsciously and where you are emotionally and even spiritually.

Using identification terms like, ‘Mr X Factor’, ‘Mr Loose Eye’ and ‘Mr Surfer’ tells how to spot each one. Some of her titles did make me chuckle. I was looking for ‘Mr Village Ram!’ to complete the line-up. Alas, my Caribbean taste for those characters was not to be satiated.
Replete with activities, exercises, and quizzes, Daniella has not only empowered the reader but wrote a book that can be easily read on a holiday break, in between bus stops, lunch breaks and in the psychiatrist chair…to him or her! For with this handbook the psychiatrist or psychologist should no longer be needed.

Liberating! Empowering! Transformational!

Reviewed by Yishebah Baht Gavriel 26/01/15 for PowerXtra Radio Review.
http://www.daniellablechner.com
http://www.dingdongmrwrong.com

Asking for What We Want

Top Ten Tips for Asking for What We Want

askHow often have we passed up the opportunity to ask for something for fear of that all resounding “NO!”?

We are living in a society where asking for what we want is somehow forthright or self-centred. I live the UK and grew up in a society where asking for things was seen as wrong. “Ask and You Won’t Get.” This notion is not a new notion but one that perfectly mirrors society’s values and collective belief. From one perspective, it can be seen as a positive thing: a child should be grateful for what they have and not seek to desire more. The idea behind it being that one should be satisfied and appreciative for what they have. However there is a fundamental difference between never desiring more and being appreciative for what we have.

Whilst I don’t agree that a child should be bought whatever they want simply because they have asked or shrieked over and over again for it, I do believe that we all have a fundamental right to ask for the things that we desire, require, need or want without fear. This notion that we should not ask for things can be quite limiting and damaging as we start to file our Needs, Wants and Desires into the “unattainable dream” shelf and harbour resentment and unfulfilled desires. When we hold in our suppressed Needs, Wants and Desires we can start to breed a Rottweiler inside. It can take the smallest thing to occur for it to snap at those we love. Don’t let the Rottweiler win!

 

“Ask and You Won’t Get” is a notion that we are taught at home, in schools and sometimes in the workplace.  How many of your Needs, Wants and Desires are shelved in the ‘miscellaneous cabinet?’ Fear stops us from progression, stops us from grasping opportunities and unlocking doors to our rightful paths. Had we only asked we may have received that, pay rise, received that promotion, received that puppy in the window we so desperately wanted and perhaps received that love we deserved. Although we may not always get what we ask for, it allows us the opportunity to achieve our goals, create our happiness and seek fulfilment.

 

Asking for what we Need, Want and Desire in a relationship is fundamental to building solid foundations. Too often we exist within relationships never asking for anything and expecting men to know what it is that we want and need. Having broken up with a long-term boyfriend and having a heart to heart almost a year later, I clearly remember saying to him, “I never asked you for anything.” His reply was simply, “Well how can you complain about not getting something you didn’t ask for in the first place?” For a moment I paused. He was right! If I asked for what I needed and wanted in the first place, I may have got just that!

Export-Good-Bad.jpg

 

Things To Remember For Asking For What You Want in a Relationship

 

~ Asking for what you want doesn’t make you needy. It makes you assertive and honest.

 

~Asking for what you want allows you to be honest with both your partner and more importantly yourself. If you don’t know what your needs and wants are why or how should he?

 

~Unfortunately men are not telepathic.

 

~Never apologise for your needs and wants. You are entitled to have them.

 

~Just as you are entitled to have needs and wants remember your man isn’t entitled to fulfil them.

 

~ Whilst compromise is important for a balanced relationship, don’t ever sacrifice your needs and wants completely. If you are unfulfilled you cannot be happy. It is important for your partner to value the things that are important to you.

 

~Be thankful for all the positive aspects of your relationship and voice your appreciation.

 

~Focus on what he is ‘getting right’ not on what he isn’t.

 

~Never dishonour yourself by keeping quiet about your needs, wants and desires. You are important.

 

~Don’t let that Rottweiler win!

 

Check out Daniella Blechner’s book Mr Wrong and get the Mr Wrong Work Book  full of exercises, quizzes and meditations to help you let go of Mr Wrong and Discover the Inner You!

For more information on Needs, Wants and Desires check out Daniella’s 7 Steps to Creating the Greatest Version of You workshop at www.daniellablechner.com (you can buy signed copies of her books here too)

 

The Power of Forgiveness

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgive heartAs we approach 2016, many of us will be reflecting on the year and making plans for the next. In doing so, it is important to be clear about what we want to take with us and what we must leave behind. Time is linear and so we must always ensure that we are moving forward and not holding onto old resentments from the   past. It’s time to set ourselves free!

Sometimes we experience so much pain we find it difficult to let go. We find it difficult to forgive and move on leaving us stuck in a negative cycle. However it is we who are weighed down and filled with bitterness, resentment, anger, disappointment and regret whilst whoever hurt you is walking around as light as a feather or perhaps continuing to treat others in the same hurtful way. Why are we carrying around their baggage? For hurt and pain are only inflicted as a result of other’s insecurities. Ladies why are we carrying these bags??! What’s in the past is in the past and must stay there! This is easier said than done.

Sometimes we carry this burden- and believe you me I’ve carried a heavy load for a long, long time (probably the cause of my back pain)- because we are afraid to let go. We may feel that if we let go we are allowing the other person to “get away with it” or that we have become a “walkover” somehow by forgetting about it. But in essence what we are doing is quite the opposite; we are finally moving on without the load, without the negative thoughts and feelings eroding our backs, our emotions and our Souls. We also may feel that we cannot let go as we become quite nostalgic about the past. The abuse or pain we endured becomes less “valid” if we let it go. It defines us some way and we don’t want to forget it. But in actual fact what it’s doing is making us move slower, making us weaker, bitter and lonely. Let that traumatic and painful part of your journey not define you but serve as a tool to help you grow stronger and wiser, happier and lighter. Again easier said than done.

 

Remember forgiving does not mean forgetting. It does not mean letting them back into your lives with the same circumstances or at all for that matter. It means seeing that person as a human being who’s made some terrible mistakes but helped you grow in some way whether it be emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually. For in every challenge or difficulty there is strength and wisdom to be gained. It means releasing that person and their negative energy and negative situation you endured from your own and freeing yourself. It means forgiving yourself for not feeling strong enough, wise enough to react or act differently at the time. Once forgiveness is achieved we can finally take the next step to finding true happiness. Without forgiveness we will keep attracting the same circumstances, same lessons and same type of person into our lives until forgiveness is learnt. I talk as a lady who’s carried and dropped many bags in my lifetime!

 

Forgive divine

Here are two of my favourite quotes on forgiveness

Forgiveness is the choice to see people as they are now. When we’re mad at people, we’re focusing on something they said or did before this moment. By letting go of the past, we make room for miracles to replace our grievances.”-Miracle Cards- Marianne Williamson

 

Forgive and forget all that has hurt you in the past and made you doubt your “lovability.” Realise that hurt and disappointment are inevitable parts of our human learning experience. No matter how painful, the real injury was not that someone didn’t cherish you, but that you erroneously believed you didn’t deserve to be loved.”- Soul Lessons and Soul Purpose Oracle Cards- Sonia Choquette.

 

For Forgiveness exercises have a read of Mr Wrong and Mr Wrong Work Book

For more information on The Power of Forgiveness check out Daniella’s 7 Steps to creating the Greatest Version of You workshop on Sat 16th January at www.daniellablechner.com (you can buy signed copies of her books here too)

 

 

 

Dating Suggestions from Angel the Competition Winner!

Here are some suggestions for interesting dates

Back in the day one of the most popular places for couples to meet was at the dance hall or disco.So how about:

a) Joining salsa,ceroc, jive,swing dance classes.Not only do you learn a new skill and enjoy great music, you can get a great workout and get fit.Also,most guys really enjoy taking the lead and twirling you around the dancefloor.
Hopefully you won’t be partnered with the hapless one taking you to the right when everyone else is going left!

b)If you’re based in London, Late Nights at the V&A (Fridays). Fantastic atmosphere relaxing outside on a balmy summer evening with a glass of wine or enjoy a delicious meal
inside ……and hey,you might even have time to wander around the exhibits accompanied by music from the main hall.

c) Hang out at South bank where you can take a boat trip down the Thames. There’s also the buzz and atmosphere of food stalls,free foyer events or concerts at Royal Festival Hall.

d) If you have an interest in theatre,many offer guided backstage
tours…..a fascinating insight into the nooks and crannies behind the curtains.
For the really adventurous who don’t mind getting hot sweaty and dishevelled,there’s always bungee jumping, kayaking, rockclimbing etc where you might meet a hunky adrenaline junkie.Me, I prefer to stay dry, groomed and preferably on dry land….c’est la vie!

Good Luck,

Angel