Ladies, I’d like to hear from you. Have you had experience with Mr Wrong? I’d love to hear from you. Stories can also be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org
I’ll kick you off with a story of my own.
After a string of bad luck with guys and a very recent heartbreak, I decided (more like I was persuaded) to set up a profile and join the merry world of internet dating- after all there’s plenty of fish in the sea! I met a guy who called himself JudgeJustice. Ironic- but we’ll come to that! We chatted for a bit and seemed to hit it off really well. He was one of the first who didn’t send me simple one liners such as “how are you babes?” or use terrible teenage text speak such as “wot u up 2. U on bbm? Lol.” No he could actually string a sentence together and I was happy. We went on a few dates and I wasn’t sure about him at first, partly because I was still healing from a painful break up and partly because that “je nas ce quais” was missing. However he appeared very keen on me and he seemed funny, kind and generous and full of compliments. As most of them are to start with, he put on a great act of being the perfect gentleman-opening car doors, restaurant doors and slowly opening the door to my heart. We would speak for hours and he would tell me what a diamond I was. In fact I quote, “a diamond that shouldn’t be locked in a cupboard but looked after and treasured.” He told me how lucky he felt to be next to me and how beautiful I was. He even asked me if I thought he was “the one.” He’d hold my hand and take me to comedy clubs and restaurants. A far cry from the dateless life I had so far been living. He said that I deserved to be treated well and I finally began letting him in. Although at first I wasn’t sure, it all changed when he came round to my house by date four or five and had bought me some kitchen lights he’d noticed needed changing. Now these weren’t just any bulbs. From here I was hooked in and I began to think, well perhaps he is the one.
When we’d first got together he was working and studying to gain a qualification that would grant him a lot more responsibility in his current position. After four weeks of being together he’d passed and being a 21st century woman, I took him out for dinner to celebrate and say well done. Then coming up to the two month marker he’d seemed to ease into comfortability. Suddenly he didn’t need to call me every night and spend hours on the phone. Suddenly he was working away much more and putting more hours in. I am a supportive woman and so encouraged him with his new job. However suddenly instead of hours between our conversations it was days and sometimes not even a text to say goodnight or reply back to my texts. Seven weeks in we’d spent every weekend together and I got the impression he was getting frustrated as he was not getting to see his friends as much as he would like especially after having studied so hard and having next to no social life (bar me of course!) It all started to go wrong after we’d gone two weeks without seeing each other. Phone calls were now a rarity due to both of our busy schedules and demanding jobs. It so happened that work got more stressful for both of us. One Saturday he came round and I promised I’d cook him a nice home cooked meal as I knew he’d not had one living in hotels for the last four weeks (weekdays.) I was looking forward to seeing him however instead of being greeted with the usual happy smile and cuddle I felt a distinct coldness or perhaps nonchalance. As I cut the vegetables he asked causally if I’d watch football with him. I swallowed my annoyance and sweetly said, “yeah of course. I’ll try fifteen twenty mins and see how I go.” (In case you hadn’t gleaned from this I can’t stand watching the game. To me it’s like watching paint dry.) I tried and that was the main thing. Little did I know that he meant right there and then. So before I knew it within ten minutes of him being at my house he’d switched off my ambient music crawled into my room and switched on the football and there I was cutting his carrots whilst being subjected to incessant foghorns and chanting. Not the romantic evening I had planned! In a more long term relationship that would be fine (semi-fine) but two months in and not having seen each other for two weeks- you’re havin’ a laugh!
So how did this football fanatic become Mr Wrong? Well after he left the following morning I didn’t hear a peep from him. Not a sausage. He slept round on the Saturday and was silent from Sunday through to Friday. I called him on Thursday and got no reply. I left a text to see if he was ok. No answer. I called again on the Friday only to hear the ring tone from abroad. I could not believe it. I could not believe he would bugger off abroad and not tell me or even say goodbye. By this time my inclination was right. This man was no longer interested. He’d eaten his cake and was now sniffing around for another.
I sent a text saying, “Just ringing to see how you are but it seems you are abroad. Cool. Listen we haven’t spoken for a while which is unusual for us and wanted to talk to you earlier about where we both stand. Seeing as you have not replied to for whatever reason to my messages or even bothered to ring I take it you are no longer interested or want to continue dating. All cool but I felt you respected and cared enough about me to just let me know instead of keep me hanging. Expected more. Enjoy your holiday. I enjoyed the time we spent together and wish you the best,” to which he simply replied, “Thanks babe so sorry. Xx good luck you deserve better than me. Please forgive me and move on Xx to which I replied, “Damn right I deserve better. Either before you get back or personally when you get back I would like an explanation. I am worth more than a text so I hope and appreciate you doing the right thing and calling me and communicating with me properly.”
This was the first time I’d ever opened my heart to rejection and simply asked for what I wanted- an explanation. It was also the first time I actually believed I deserved better. Really believed. I did get my phone call a week later complete with mutterings about work being full on and it not being fair to keep me in a relationship he couldn’t commit to etc. etc. He admitted to being a coward to which I simply said, “Hmmm.” A poor excuse for treating someone that way but at least had some honesty with the coward comment and at least I got a phone call! I thanked him for the 3 minute phone call and wished him luck on his path. That is the last time I cook my Caribbean Curried Chicken for a low life! (sorry Mr Wrong.)
Now why is JudgeJustice ironic- because I was not the best judge if character and he had no sense of justice!
Thank you JudgeJustice for teaching me how to forgive cowardice and teaching me the importance of clarity.