Tag Archive | self worth

Raising Wonderful Women

Raising Wonderful Women

Raising young women is a huge responsibility but one that should not be restricted to purely the role of a mother or father. The word ‘raise’ dates back to c1200 and derives from an Old Norse word “reisa.” It translates as “to cause a rising of” “set upright” “to build and construct.” The word “raise”also means to “uplift, promote the growth of, and elevate to a higher position.” I strongly believe that we are all, in some shape or form, responsible for the raising of our young girls and women in our community. How do we begin to elevate our young girls into confident young women and leaders of their own path and what role do we have in helping them to rise? First, we must understand that we
all play a part in helping them to rise.
Self-esteem
We are born into this world innocent; completely accepting of all things and all people. We are in awe of the world around us and are blessed with the purity of non-judgment. We are totally loving and accepting of Self. Our self-esteem is high because we don’t judge, we just are. Sadly, we are born into a world full of pressures, a world that tells us, through media, advertising and music, how to look and how to think and how to behave. We live in a world that subconsciously tells us that it is not okay to be ourselves, to make mistakes or to be left all alone on ‘prom night.’ We live in a world that teaches us to say “yes” and seek approval of others. Adverts still group women into restrictive categories of “domestic goddess” “sex symbol” “object of desire” “mother” and “aggressive and bitchy business woman.” Homogeneous stick thin models in need of a good meal still front the magazines, young women are still objectified and sexualised in music videos, video games, films and adverts. The message shouts loud and clear “Be like this and we
will give you the stamp of approval!” Whose stamp of approval?
We need to raise our girls to understand, on a very deep level, that they are perfectly and
wonderfully made. We need to teach our young girls to celebrate their differences and that they are unique in their own way. They do not need to gyrate and whine to be liked or be popular with the opposite sex, they do not need to lather themselves in foundation and plasticated make up to be attractive and they do not need to say “yes” to every offer they get.
In a culture with widespread sexual objectification, young girls as young as 12, are beginning to identify themselves as objects of desire. This internalized sexual objectification has been linked to problems with mental health such as clinical depression,
“habitual body monitoring”, eating disorders, body shame and lack of self-worth.  Now, more than ever, we need to impress upon young girls that they are not defined by their physical appearance but by the content of their unique character. Now more than ever we need to let our young girls know it is okay to switch off the TV, disconnect from Social Media and work on loving themselves and finding out who they are.
Thoughts and Words
The Telegraph (Aug 2015) states that, “A new survey by Girlguiding UK shows almost half of British girls have suffered with mental health problems, with self-harm being one of the biggest concerns.” It also states that the majority of seven to ten year olds said they had felt “sad” or “down, 1 in five young girls said they were upset by the way they looked and 39% said they had received demeaning comments about their appearance. A magazine called Girl Talk also found that half the girls defined beautiful as being “fashionable” and “thin.” Furthermore shockingly enough, a study carried out by
The Children’s Society found that the young girls of Britain are significantly unhappier than children in Ethiopia and Algeria. Why when we have so much in the Western world are our young girls so unhappy?
First we must tackle the damaging thought processes caused by images and words these young girls are seeing and hearing. The Bible, The Torah, Buddhism and the Koran teach us about the Power of words. The Bible says, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12.18) The Torah says, “The mighty power of words hurt, heal and fashion reality.” Buddha said, “Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are true and kind, they change our world.” The Koran says, “Kind words (spoken) and forgiving of faults are better than sadaqa (charity)”
mother daughterThe pressure on young girls to be “beautiful” and “attractive” is sky high. The Media speaks to us every day telling us what is acceptable and what is not. Therefore,
the way in which we speak to ourselves is crucial, the thoughts we think and the way we speak to others. In a world that constantly bombards us with images of who we should be, it is crucial that we raise our young girls to know who they are. It is easy to allow the exterior world to dictate our inner perception of ourselves.
We must teach our young girls how to speak to themselves with love and respect. Positive self-talk is essential. We all have a role in teaching our young girls how to do this by speaking positively about ourselves, first as an example, and in turn speaking positively to and about them. Our words have the ability to harm or heal. They can be the difference between elevating a young woman or beating her down.
Lastly, teaching a young girl how to elevate another is a powerful practice. We need to teach them that we do not and are not created to exist as islands but to collaborate and support one other. We must teach them to close their ears to gossip and open their hearts to one another; that there is room for all to blossom and grow in this world and that there is strength in elevation and wisdom in understanding that, in a world where women already struggle to balance love, relationships, motherhood, working life, career, hopes and dreams, trials and tribulations, they stand much stronger as a united force uplifting the other with words and actions. We must dispel the myth that the other woman is “the enemy” but in fact a sister who too needs support, encouragement, uplifting and inspiration. We must raise our young girls to become young woman who know, in their
own uniqueness, that “a flower does not compete with the flower next to it, it simply blooms.”
When we raise our young girls to know and love themselves from the inside out, then they truly will become a united force to be reckoned with.
flower

Extraordinary Woman- Jenice Revers

Jenice2 Jenice Revers is a lively, spirited, energetic Transformational Author, Speaker, and Coach that uses her life stories as the vehicle to inspire women globally to start their journey of self-healing, self-love and reclaim their self-worth.

Her background is in working with children and families over the past two decades.  She has served as Teacher, School Counsellor, Social Worker, and Advisor to the Family Courts in her homeland, Jamaica and in England where she resides for the past nine years.  She is also the author of Immigrant Workers to the UK: A Personal Journey to Success published in November 2013.

Jenice’s word to women in her book Damn It, I’m Worthy is ‘Life is not happening to you: Life is responding to you’.   You are not a victim of your circumstances; you are creating your own destiny with the thoughts you choose to entertain in your mind, consciously or unconsciously.

Choose to enjoy beautiful thoughts and watch your life transform!!!

www.jenicerevers.com

 

So you have a book Damn It, I’m Worthy coming out in June can you tell us what inspired you to write it?

I wrote ‘Damn It, I’m Worthy’ to help women who are where I used to be; to provide a resource to support women’s transformation so they can heal themselves from past hurts, fall madly in love with themselves and re-ignite their power and greatness or take it to the next level so as to unleash the best version of themselves.
It’s a great title. What made you come up with it?

Damn It, I’m Worthy came out of a place where I decided that ‘enough is enough’ I’m worthy and I will live my life from this truth whether situations or people externally to me agree with my value.  I later came to realise that the feeling of unworthiness was very common among women especially as we are naturally nurturers so oftentimes find ourselves in situations or relationships where we are over-giving of ourselves and our kindness is often not reciprocated.

 

Why do you think so many women stay in unhappy relationships for so long?

I believe that some women stay in unhealthy relationships beyond the expiry date due to feeling a sense of unworthiness; feeling that their worth or identity is linked to being in a relationship; for those who are mothers, sometimes think that they are staying for their children to have the benefits of growing up in a family with both parents although it is sometime evident that the relationship is causing more short-term and long-term harm to their children.

 

What advice would you give to a woman who 1) keeps on attracting Mr Wrong 2) decides to stay in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship?

I would advise women who are in unhealthy relationships or those continuing to attract ‘Mr Wrong’ to consider taking some time to themselves where they address any past hurts that are causing them to show up in relationships with men as wounded, unworthy and unlovable.  Take this time to determine what they have been tolerating in relationships; what they really want from a relationship and reflect on the things that there is to love about themselves.  I guarantee that this journey of self-discovery is empowering and will help women to have clarity as they move forward in forming new relationships or re-establishing their current relationships.  By our own example of how we treat ourselves, we teach others how to treat us so take the journey to falling madly in love with yourself and often times our partners among others will reciprocate.

I love the quote Life isn’t happening to you: Life is responding to you’ how can we adjust our thought processes or mind-sets to receive the things we want?

We can adjust our thought processes or mind-sets to receive the things we want by identifying what are the thoughts or beliefs we are currently entertaining in our minds that are sabotaging our success in our relationships and other areas of life; then we go through a process of planting and cultivating new, positive, life-giving, joyful, grateful thoughts that will significantly transform our lives.

What can women expect from a coaching session with you?

I take women on a journey through my 12 weeks coaching or home study programmes where they focus on self-love, self-discovery, creating and setting up healthy boundaries, making integrity-based decisions, forgiving and self-compassion work; discover their ‘Inner Goddess’ to re-ignite their power and greatness so as to unleash the best version of themselves. Oftentimes, we are not aware of the self-sabotaging thoughts and beliefs that we are entertaining in our minds and are preventing our success in relationships and other areas of life.  Hence, we will need a coach who will expose these thoughts and beliefs that exist in our ‘blindspot’ and support us to create a new story/vision to the life we dream of.

Onto the publishing process. You published with Lisa Nichols’ company MTM Press can you tell us a little bit more about the event and mentoring scheme?

Well, I attended Lisa Nichols’ event called Speak&Write in May 2015 and it was awesome.  I learned about the importance of being vulnerable when sharing your story with others whether through writing or speaking.  Instead of ‘telling’ we were encouraged to ‘show’ people our stories so they can connect with us and experience the joy or the pain or other emotions we felt.  If you should read my book Damn It, I’m Worthy or attend one of my workshops or conferences you will have an opportunity to experience me ‘showing’ you my story.  I am currently being mentored by Lisa Nichols’ company in a 5 months business coaching programme and it’s big investment but what’s the heck, I deserve it and it is an investment in the quality of products and services I am offering to you and other women across the world.  I am also using Lisa Nichols’ company, MTM Press to publish my book which is a different service all together, where I am guided through a process of writing and launching a ‘bestseller’.

Having met you, you are full of energy and clear in terms of your vision. Where do you see yourself in five years’ time and what would you have liked to have achieved?

In 5 years, I will be well established in hosting my Damn It, I’m Worthy international women’s conferences in the UK and abroad.  I would have completed many more book publications and speaking on many different platforms so as to take women on their own journey from being stuck in past hurts to living a life where their inner goddess is being unleashed for them to achieve their greatness.

What advice would you give to anyone who wants to publish a book?

Start now to write your story, not giving any thought to grammar, structure, and context, just get it on paper.  There are editors who can provide you with different levels of support by structuring your content to make your dream of becoming an author a reality.  This service is usually at a cost but is well worth it for your story to be shared with the world in a coherent way.  You can also explore traditional publishing opportunities where the publisher will finance the publication and promotion of your book or you can take your destiny in your own hands and do what is called ‘self-publishing’ which is a very popular option.

What’s next for Jenice Revers?

What next is that I will be on a Book Launch Tour in London, Birmingham, Nottingham promoting Damn It, I’m Worthy throughout July 2015.  I’m booked for the Film, Art, Book EXPO on 4th July @ Platanos College, Clapham Road, London SW9 0AL (Stockwell area) and 18th July @ Stephen Lawrence Centre, 39 Brookmill Road, London SE8 4HU (Deptford area) where you will get your signed copy and experience readings from my book and intimate Q&A session for a total transformation.   I’m on the New York City leg of my Book Launch Tour from 1st-18th August 2015 in Harlem, Queen, Bronx, Brooklyn and other areas.  Lastly, but not least, I will be hosting a Damn It, I’m Worthy Women’s Conference in London on 25th November 2015 (venue to be confirmed).

Thank you!

Contact Jenice: info@jenicerevers.com or jenicerevers@yahoo.com

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Mr Wrong in The Voice

I was lucky to have a stint in The Voice Paper. Here it is!

How To Find Mr Right And Say Goodbye To Mr Wrong

LOVE LESSONS: Daniella Blechner

THEY SAY a problem shared is a problem halved, and this old adage has proved particularly lucrative for self-published author, Daniella Blechner.

Using a collection of memoirs from a number of scorned women (and some men) from around the world, Blechner put together Mr Wrong: Learn From Mr Wrong and Claim Mr Right, a self-help book with a twist.

“I don’t believe in rules, or x plus x equals this or that every woman will have the same outcome if they follow the same steps because we’re all different,” she said. “I wanted to create book, first and foremost, as a platform for women to have their voices and stories heard.”

The author, from South East London, explained: “Mr Wrong is a collection of stories written by women from all across the world who seem to keep encountering the same sort of man – men who are unavailable. You know the ones, the guy with multiple names, multiple girlfriends, past baggage, the ones who will time and time again, avoid commitment! [The book] aims to dispel myths about relationships created by society and ones we place on ourselves.”

In fact, Blechner used her own “disastrous” experience in a previous relationship to inspire the book, her first foray into publishing.

“In the past, I wouldn’t speak about the things that went wrong in my relationships, I felt ashamed and worried what friends would think. I buried it all, but I found that once I started to share my story with people, it was actually quite healing.”

After getting her head around blogging and sharing some of her experiences on the popular online platform, the 35-year-old found there was a market for people who had experienced similar pain in their quest for Mr Right.

“A lot of Americans started gravitating towards the blog and started telling their stories, so I put an appeal out asking for women to contact me and share their Mr Wrong stories and I was inundated with stories from America, Canada, UK, Australia and it just kind of happened from there.”

She noticed that from many of the submissions that “most women were entering relationships to complete something within themselves rather than going in as a whole person and loving themselves.”

“Quite often, these women came into relationships expecting the other person to fix them,” she said.

“Another one was repeating past issues. There were quite a lot of women who had an absent father, which is a whole book in itself; those who have a fear of abandonment and look to men to fix their fear, but what they don’t realise that you’ll get men who will go off and abandon you until that situation has been completely healed.”

Though Blechner is quick to point out that she is not a qualified counsellor or relationship coach (in fact, she’s an English tutor by day), she is passionate about empowering and providing support for women.

“Like I said, I just wanted to give women a platform to speak about their stories. This book is not about me telling people what to do,” she clarified.

“The first thing I want to establish is that Mr Wrong is not a how-to book. I am not a dating expert and I am not interested in telling women how to date and how to have a relationship because I believe there are an abundance of books, of which I have read.”

In that sense, Blechner says she thinks fairytales have a lot to answer for.

“There are a lot of women growing up who are indoctrinated by that stuff,” she said. “There’s a sense of ‘you are a princess, but you’re nobody until Mr Right finds you to come and sweep you off your feet and make you a complete person’.”

She then draws reference to a story shared by a male contributor in Mr Wrong whose relationship ended because his partner was hoping he had the key to her completion.

“He says it’s attractive when a woman knows her worth and that really stuck with me. I don’t think I expected that. When you know your worth, you resonate with men who are attracted to that. When you don’t, I think you can let anything in.”

It was a two-year journey getting Mr Wrong to its final destination, which came with numerous rejection letters, self-publishing hurdles and navigating a competitive industry she had no prior experience in. But, she says, it added more character to the sojourn.

“Rejection letters came in and after three or four months it started to get to me, but someone close to me said, ‘Think about [Harry Potter] author JK Rowling and how many rejection letters she had. Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do it.’ That ultimately sent me on the path of discovering the world of self-publishing. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth it.”

She added: “From the age of four, I would say, ‘I’m going to be a writer, but I’ll do it later in life’. [I would say], ‘I want to save the world, save dogs, save everything and then I’ll write a book.’ But I left the animals and saving the world, it’s too hard. I found my calling in writing.

The Mr Wrong Book Tour kicks off on Feb 12 at Hounslow Library and continues at Brixton Library on Feb 13 and Croydon Waterstones on Feb 14. For more details, visit: http://tinyurl.com/qbgh7af

Want a copy of Mr Wrong? Click below:

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Mr Wrong Book Tour is Here!

The Mr Wrong Book Tour is here!

Book-Signig-Event-A6-Flyer

Come and join host Lillian Ogbogoh and author Danni Blechner in a lively debate on Love and Relationships and listen to real life relationship stories from men and women.

“I wrote this book not to preach, teach or tell women how to “date” but to unite us through our stories, inspire us to let go of baggage and empower us by breaking free from negative belief systems and discovering our True Selves.”- a note from the author

This is event is in support of Women’s Aid providing safety for women and children survivors of domestic abuse.

**Click on your chosen link to confirm your attendance.**

You MUST select the event you wish to attend and REGISTER at Eventbrite.

12th Feb, 6pm-7.30pm HOUNSLOW LIBRARY
http://tinyurl.com/qbgh7af

13TH Feb 7pm-9pm BRIXTON LIBRARY £3 (FREE glass of wine on entry. DJ James Wilkins spinning tunes.
http://tinyurl.com/pmerjah

14th Feb 12pm- 2pm WATERSTONES CROYDON
http://tinyurl.com/khw4bf3 

More on Mr Wrong..

MR WRONG COVER 650Do you ever feel that you will never meet the right man? Do your relationships suddenly come to an end leaving you in a wake of dust wondering what just happened or what you could have possibly done to deserve such a swift exit? Do you attract the same type of man repeating the same negative patterns and situations that leave you  thinking, “Here We Go Again?” or “I’ve been here before?” Are you dating men who love you and leave you leaving you emotionally wounded and insecure, wondering why you didn’t cut the mustard? Well, ladies, I have news for you. You do! You are simply dating the wrong man.

My name is Daniella Blechner and I am the author of a book called Mr Wrongwritten after a decade of bad luck with the opposite sex. I no longer make a secret of it and claim it to empower others. Faced with a string of dating disasters, I had no choice but to look within. On my quest to find out what Love really is, I realised that our inner world reflects our outer world and we must Love ourselves before we can truly Love another. I went on a quest to interview women and men around the world and documented their relationship stories.

Mr Wrong is a collection of both humorous and poignant stories written by women who have encountered and overcome the infamous ‘Mr Wrong,’ stories that celebrate men who are getting it right as well as stories from men themselves. From Ex-Mr Wrongs to Men struggling to survive in their “Knight in Shining Armour role” the book reveals men’s innermost secrets, thoughts and feelings on relationships and women. What role do women play in creating so called Mr Wrongs? Mr Wrong allows the reader to question, examine and challenge negative belief systems that block us from having successful relationships with others as well as ourselves. Through interactive exercises, meditations and questionnaires this book is designed to allow the reader to embark on a journey of self-discovery.

Know What You Deserve- Positive Thinking

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An Excerpt from Chapter 10

Know what you Deserve

We are beautiful women, who are trained to remain strong and loving in adversity, to stand by our man through thick and thin. But what if our man is not sticking by us? What if we deserve better? First we must know better. Be crystal clear about your expectations from a man and a relationship. What is it you want, need and desire? What and where are your boundaries? What will you put up with and what will you not? What’s important for you? Until we ourselves know the answers to these questions we will be keeping our path open for the wrong man as the net spreads across the ocean. Why leave yourself open to everything and everybody when we can be clear on our intentions and expectations? I don’t want any sharks lurking at the bottom of the ocean thank you!

We do not need to leave ourselves wide open and expose our vulnerabilities to men who do not treat us respectfully. Neither do we need validation or permission to be loved. We are already loved if we already love ourselves and we certainly do not need permission. Be mindful of our negative beliefs, thinking and patterns and aim to change the course of direction they are taking us. We can change them by thinking positively about ourselves and surrendering and making peace with our past experiences. Put them to bed. They have no place in your present or your future.

We may have experienced a traumatic relationship and may fear it may happen again, we may have such a low opinion of ourselves that it effects the way in which we are treated by others. Our negative thoughts and belief systems cause more negative experiences that reinforce the fear and negativity believed to start with! It is not just women who hold these belief systems within us: it’s men too. Just as we want to feel good about ourselves, believe positive things about ourselves we want to attract a man who truly feels good about himself too. An unhappy man cannot love a woman fairly or healthily until, he himself is happy. He will only serve to make an unhappy woman unhappier and a drive a positive woman into the depths of unhappiness. We must change our thinking and negative thought patterns to attract a positive man who is attracted to our positive thought processes.Now I’m not for a minute saying to stay away from men who have had traumatic experiences nor am I saying that if we as women have experienced unpleasant relationships or had traumatic experiences we can never have a successful relationship, but what I am saying loud and clear is do not let them (the experiences) dictate who you are and how you behave and more importantly how and what they make us feel or believe about ourselves.

Until we recognise, confront and aim to change these negative thought patterns and belief systems in ourselves we will always be attracting that which we most fear or think about. It begins with awareness. Awareness is the catalyst for change. Part of becoming aware is to accept and surrender to our fears. To be aware of them but do not feed them. Why feed an angry wolf when you can feed a loving one?

Give thought to that which makes us smile, laugh and sing; gives us a sense of hope and joy and belief in our dreams. Hold positive thoughts about the types of relationships we do want not the ones we most fear. Mr Right not Mr Wrong.

In saying that we need to recognise and acknowledge what we don’t want before we can claim what we do. Acknowledge our fears but don’t feed them. I came across this American parable below and regulalry try to apply to my life.

Native American Parable

An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it’s between two wolves. One wolf is evil—he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority and ego.

 

The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

 

The same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person too.”

 

They thought about this for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win, Grandfather?”

The elder simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Which one will you feed?